It was the worst of (movie) times... Gigli

Uggggggg!  Wow.  Gigli.  I know that I have been sitting on this for a while.  I do apologize   BUT  I really don't know what I can say here.  I was pretty bad, pret-ty bad.

So.  The plot synopsis starts like a bad joke (thank you for that comparison, Doug Osborn):  "A hitman, a lesbian and a kid with brain damage walk into a bar..."  But seriously, Gigli is an idiot hitman hired to kidnap the brother of a prosecutor (Larry).   Ricki is another contractor hired to keep an eye on Gigli... OH!  And she is a lesbian.  Through the movie, they become friends and then lovers (I know!  Lesbian... *sigh*).  There are more details, but really... This is all you need to know.

I really do like Affleck.  Lopez is usually enjoyable.  And the movie actually doesn't start off that bad.  All the way through the kidnapping and Ricki's introduction I was starting to think that everyone had it wrong.  And then Christopher Walken was on screen.  YAY!  I LOVE Walken!  The scene starts off good.  Walken is a police detective investigating the kidnapping.  He asks Gigli if he's heard anything about it.  Pretty standard, really.  But then--- POW!  It takes a turn for the strange and THIS happens.  Uhhhh... Did Walken just wander on set and they left it in?  It was just odd.  (Oh.  And by the way, this is the only scene he is in.) Al Pacino also has a one scene role.  And it is kinda odd too... But not like Walken's.  Pacino overacts to the point of pain.  Walken just seems insane (well... More so than usual.).  I would say that this is a good example of how NOT to use your Walken and Pacino.  If you have the good luck to have them in your movie... Well... Use them better!

And then there is the fact that Ricki is a lesbian and ends up falling for Gigli. I really don't have an issue with the concept of this (I liked Chasing Amy).  The execution is kinda... well... It's BAD.  Not kinda.  Just BAD.  Gigli comes off as a stupid man's-man closet case (seriously, this is a thing in the movie too, but I thought maybe Gigli was gay and compensating) who can't deal with the fact that Ricki doesn't want nor need a man.  Ricki comes off as pretentious and one dimensional   Basically, this plot has two characters at it's center that are really  not likable, or even relatable.    Makes me wonder if the writer has even met a lesbian.... or a man.  It's that bad.

I think that the thing that annoys me the most about this movie is that it really SHOULD have worked.  It had a good cast.  It had good production value.  And Larry is ADORABLE.  It even has a Walken.  But all this does nothing to save this sinking ship.  In the hands of a director and writer who knew how to put together a fiasco movie (like Fargo for instance) this would have been a very entertaining movie.  But, alas, not the case here...

I guess the lesson of Gigli is that just because you have all the ingredients, doesn't mean it will be a good pie. You also need the skill to make it tasty.  Mmmmmmmmmm, pie.  in-TERESTED?  SURE?

GGC