It was the worst of (movie) times... Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000of

This one was genuinely hard.  Hard to watch, hard to figure out what to say.  SO, I'll just do it quick, like removing a Band-Aid.

BattleField Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000 (henceforth Battlefield Earth) is set one thousand years after an invasion from the planet Psychlo.  Humanity is thrust into a primitive state, fearing technology and the stories of the demons that rule the outside world.  One human, Jonnie, leaves his home in the Rockies to find food when he meets up with a few others and wonders into a city.  There, the group is taken captive by the Psychlos for enslavement.  Jonnie fights back, drawing the attention of the head of security, Terl.  Terl "teaches" Jonnie the language and knowledge of the Psychlos in order to use him to train a mining team of humans to mine a vein of gold near a deposit of uranium (the radiation from uranium is toxic to Psychlos).  Jonnie instead uses the knowledge to fight back and free humanity from the tyranny of the demons.

Sounds like a great idea, no?  I thought so.  And the first 20 minutes or so I was really confused about why this was such a despised movie.  It wasn't bad.  Jonnie was well developed already and his new pals were entertaining.  THEN the Psychlos showed up.  That is when this movie took a major turn.  The culture of Psycho is a corrupt corporate one and Terl is trying to get transferred off Earth, but due to missteps in the past (mainly sleeping with a senator's daughter) he is stationed on Earth for a lifetime.  His scheme to use humans to mine gold is a last ditch effort to get himself off planet.  All well and good... But most of the time I wonder HOW the Psychlos managed not only knock humanity back to the stone age, but HOLD the Earth when they overlook places like Fort Hood.  Yeah... Let's talk plot holes, people.

Plot hole #1:

If you graduated #1 in your class, how did you miss the concept of "knowledge is power"?  Terl teaches Jonnie, not just the language, but math and engineering, and how to pilot a Psychlo aircraft.  OF COURSE this gives Jonnie the tools he needs to lead a revolt against their captors.

Plot hole #2:

Gold is the most precious resource to the Psychlos.  And YET... In 1000 years they have not found Fort Knox and empty it.  This gives Jonnie the means to distract Terl until the revolt can be organized.  Jonnie goes to Fort Knox (in the aircraft that Terl left him) and takes enough gold to appease Terl  and make him think that they are accually working (and smelting the gold into bars...*sigh*) buying Jonnie the time needed to overthrow the Psychlos.

Plot hole #3:

Fort Hood.  Period.  Everything about this scene and everything that comes from it.  The Psychlos aren't just a corporate society, they are a warrior society.  WHY was Fort Hood left alone??  All the weapons are still there after 1000 years, in working order apparently.  Jonnie raids the stash there, his men learn to fly fighter planes (the fuel is still viable and the planes themselves aren't rusted out), and there is even a nuclear warhead there.  THIS is the dumbest thing ever for them, as a nuclear explosion reacts with the atmosphere the Psychlos need to breathe causing a chain reaction of a massive explosion.  (In plot hole #1 Jonnie learns this and uses it to defeat not just the Earth stationed Psychlos, but destroy the entire planet of Psychlo.)

Plot hole #4:

Terl allows Jonnie to have access to the Denver Library (Yes, evidently paper in books only looks slightly aged when they sit for 1000 years).  This ties into plot hole #1, but is slightly different.  It's here that Jonnie actually forms the concrete ideas he used to rebel.  We get to see him reading the Declaration of Independence, and looking at maps showing him where things are.

Plot hole #5

Terl leaves Jonnie and his men to mine UNSUPERVISED.  Yes, the uranium is toxic, but they show aircraft overhead and establish early on that they have great surveillance technology.  WHY did no one notice the aircraft was gone for over a week?  Really??

There are so many more... But I will be here all night if I talk about them all.  These are the holes that bug me the most.

The other thing that really bugs me is the acting from most of the Psychlos, especially John Travolta.  I love Travolta, most of the time.  But this role is WAY over the top.  He's not even close to seeming like a threat.  He just seems funny.  The leader on Earth is similarly comical.  Pretty much all of them aside from Ker, played by Forest Whitaker.  Poor guy.  He had a really crappy role.  But let me tell you, he acted the HELL out of it!

Also... I believe that someone knocked the camera loose on the tripod because EVERY SINGLE SCENE is tilted.  Why?  It looks cool.  That is the only reason I can come up with.  I wonder if humanity evolved to have one leg longer than the other... Hmmm....

I have more rants about this... But I will let Mike Nelson from Rifftrax take it from here... Take it away, Mike!  I recommend you don't watch this movie... But if you must, riff it the whole way through.  It's the only way to enjoy it!

GGC