It was the worst of (movie) times... Meet the Spartans

Oh. My. God.  What did I get myself into?  Ok.  Meet the Spartans.

So... For the plot, just watch 300.  I am serious.  In Sparta a boy named Leonidas is born, grows up, is put through all the rights of passage, becomes king.  A dignitary from the neighboring Persians arrives and tells them his God-king wants the Spartans to bend the knee and Leonidas says no. (Well... In all fairness yells "This is Sparta" and kicks him into a pit.  But "no would have worked as well.)  The Spartan council says they will not send an army, and so Leonidas leaves his wife, son, and home behind to lead a small group of 300 soldiers to hold off the Persian army.  They meet a hunchback who, because Leonidas wouldn't let him figh with them, betrays them to the Persian king.  The 300 soldiers fight, and 299 of them die.  One was injured and sent back to Sparta to bring a bigger fighting force to beat the Persians.  Leonidas' wife does some political stuff, which is pretty awesome in 300... But is completely unfunny in Meet the Spartans, so I won't go into details with it.  The End.

*sigh*  Do you remember the first time you saw Airplane! ?  Well... This movie fails in every way that Airplane! succeeds.  I did not even crack a smile at any of the jokes which consisted of a lot of bodily functions, a prolonged homosexual joke, and random pop culture that will in NO way date this humor (yess that last one was sarcasm, they had a Sanjiah look alike.  Do you remember Sanjiah?  Yeah, me neither).  Kevin Sorbo is in it, and all I kept thinking was "NOOO!  HERCULES! NOOOO!!!!"  This wasn't even a "This is so bad, it's fun" thing.  This was a "Did middle schoolers write this? No?  Adults did? Really??? How sad" kind of thing.  I can write all kinds of stuff here about how it sucked.  But I already did a long entry earlier today.  So I will just leave you with this thought.  Someone had to pay money to make this.  Someone had to be away from their family to film this.  People actually paid to see this.  What a tragedy.

NEXT WEEK:

It was the best of (movie) times- Toy Story

It was the worst of (movie) times- Another 9 1/2 Weeks

GGC