I was sitting outside looking up at the moon tonight. It was so very pretty, framed by the branches of the trees in my front yard. Pretty damned amazing, actually. It actually really made me feel small. And by proxy, my problems became small. My life became (if briefly) nothing to worry about. Therapy in the sky, if you will. I think that I will take up meditation again. It was relaxing, I slept better, and it helped organize my thoughts.
It also made me want to dig out my copy of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance that I never could quite get through and actually read it outside under the huge starry sky. And then read more and more and more. I, however, live in Indiana. This may be a problem come late October. Lol! But I want to read many deep books. Philosophy, Eastern AND Western religion, and etc. Under the sky I saw tonight would be truly the best place for it. Anything is possible under that moon and them stars, even understanding Kierkegaard.
Anything is possible under them stars. It was beautiful. The evening is just cool enough. I wanted to (also) put that (at this point) imaginary book down and dream about the possibilities that Life should bring me. (you know, for my birthday or something...) A perfect wedding to my guy. A perfect proposal before that. A perfect vaca with my family. A way to help my son go to MIT (HIS choice). To truly be the best supportive parent my little boy needs right now. A truly great steak. A perfect fruition of my plans for my future. All of these things seem very close and very possible under that sky.
But then, I have to go inside. That is where all the work I need to do to achieve my goals need to be worked out. I feel slightly overwhelmed... But that is okay. I know I can do it. I can do all the work I need to to get there. I have already started.
But... I really needed tonight to remind me that I can do anything. I need more nights like this to re-energize that drive.
That moon lent me some of it's energy tonight, and now I will sleep well and get through the next act.
GGC
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Friday, July 8, 2011
Not sure how to feel...
Just for the record, I know that I am overweight. I like food. I am lazy. BUT I have GREAT hair. I need to live in a culture where that is where beauty is measured. NOT my weight. I do envy heavy girls who feel comfortable in their own skin. If I had the confidence that I see other overweight girls have, I would be happy. Maybe, then, I would loose some of the extra weight and be healthy. It's a vicious cycle, really.
"Why," you ask, "is she talking about this?" I had a talk today with people along these lines. This conversation upset me at times. I think that a guy's perspective on the inner workings of a woman always upsets me. ESPECIALLY when the guy is dictating to ME how a woman feels.
No, not all heavy women who wear "inappropriate" clothing (I put that in quotes because that is up to the beholder...) go home and cry about how they look. In fact, I would think it would take no small amount of confidence to wear an outfit that showcases your curves when you have a lot of them. Otherwise, it seems like an odd thing to choose to do.
I also find it infuriating when a guy says to me (when caught ogling a "hot" chick) "She WANTS me to look." Really? Pick your jaw up. She is picking up her keys that she just dropped. Not putting on a show for your amusement. Also, for the record- talking to a woman's chest is NEVER flattering, it's just creepy and demeaning.
Besides having GREAT hair, I am smart, I am kind, I have opinions (I know you think that is cute *sigh*) that are based on things that I have read/seen/experienced. You should really consider pulling yourself into THIS reality (you know, the one where women are PEOPLE), it ain't so bad.
Now,to go back to my initial confession, those of you who know me may be saying to yourselves, "But she is very pretty," or you may be saying "Yeah, that girl is FAT." I tell you it doesn't really matter. You can tell me you think I look good. I will smile and say "Thank you." Because that is what you DO. You accept compliments in the spirit they were given. This does not mean that I agree with you. But don't worry, I don't cry in my pillow about it. I am just telling you how I feel.
GGC
"Why," you ask, "is she talking about this?" I had a talk today with people along these lines. This conversation upset me at times. I think that a guy's perspective on the inner workings of a woman always upsets me. ESPECIALLY when the guy is dictating to ME how a woman feels.
No, not all heavy women who wear "inappropriate" clothing (I put that in quotes because that is up to the beholder...) go home and cry about how they look. In fact, I would think it would take no small amount of confidence to wear an outfit that showcases your curves when you have a lot of them. Otherwise, it seems like an odd thing to choose to do.
I also find it infuriating when a guy says to me (when caught ogling a "hot" chick) "She WANTS me to look." Really? Pick your jaw up. She is picking up her keys that she just dropped. Not putting on a show for your amusement. Also, for the record- talking to a woman's chest is NEVER flattering, it's just creepy and demeaning.
Besides having GREAT hair, I am smart, I am kind, I have opinions (I know you think that is cute *sigh*) that are based on things that I have read/seen/experienced. You should really consider pulling yourself into THIS reality (you know, the one where women are PEOPLE), it ain't so bad.
Now,to go back to my initial confession, those of you who know me may be saying to yourselves, "But she is very pretty," or you may be saying "Yeah, that girl is FAT." I tell you it doesn't really matter. You can tell me you think I look good. I will smile and say "Thank you." Because that is what you DO. You accept compliments in the spirit they were given. This does not mean that I agree with you. But don't worry, I don't cry in my pillow about it. I am just telling you how I feel.
GGC
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