It was the worst of (movie) times... Gigli

Uggggggg!  Wow.  Gigli.  I know that I have been sitting on this for a while.  I do apologize   BUT  I really don't know what I can say here.  I was pretty bad, pret-ty bad.

So.  The plot synopsis starts like a bad joke (thank you for that comparison, Doug Osborn):  "A hitman, a lesbian and a kid with brain damage walk into a bar..."  But seriously, Gigli is an idiot hitman hired to kidnap the brother of a prosecutor (Larry).   Ricki is another contractor hired to keep an eye on Gigli... OH!  And she is a lesbian.  Through the movie, they become friends and then lovers (I know!  Lesbian... *sigh*).  There are more details, but really... This is all you need to know.

I really do like Affleck.  Lopez is usually enjoyable.  And the movie actually doesn't start off that bad.  All the way through the kidnapping and Ricki's introduction I was starting to think that everyone had it wrong.  And then Christopher Walken was on screen.  YAY!  I LOVE Walken!  The scene starts off good.  Walken is a police detective investigating the kidnapping.  He asks Gigli if he's heard anything about it.  Pretty standard, really.  But then--- POW!  It takes a turn for the strange and THIS happens.  Uhhhh... Did Walken just wander on set and they left it in?  It was just odd.  (Oh.  And by the way, this is the only scene he is in.) Al Pacino also has a one scene role.  And it is kinda odd too... But not like Walken's.  Pacino overacts to the point of pain.  Walken just seems insane (well... More so than usual.).  I would say that this is a good example of how NOT to use your Walken and Pacino.  If you have the good luck to have them in your movie... Well... Use them better!

And then there is the fact that Ricki is a lesbian and ends up falling for Gigli. I really don't have an issue with the concept of this (I liked Chasing Amy).  The execution is kinda... well... It's BAD.  Not kinda.  Just BAD.  Gigli comes off as a stupid man's-man closet case (seriously, this is a thing in the movie too, but I thought maybe Gigli was gay and compensating) who can't deal with the fact that Ricki doesn't want nor need a man.  Ricki comes off as pretentious and one dimensional   Basically, this plot has two characters at it's center that are really  not likable, or even relatable.    Makes me wonder if the writer has even met a lesbian.... or a man.  It's that bad.

I think that the thing that annoys me the most about this movie is that it really SHOULD have worked.  It had a good cast.  It had good production value.  And Larry is ADORABLE.  It even has a Walken.  But all this does nothing to save this sinking ship.  In the hands of a director and writer who knew how to put together a fiasco movie (like Fargo for instance) this would have been a very entertaining movie.  But, alas, not the case here...

I guess the lesson of Gigli is that just because you have all the ingredients, doesn't mean it will be a good pie. You also need the skill to make it tasty.  Mmmmmmmmmm, pie.  in-TERESTED?  SURE?

GGC

It was the best of (movie) times... The French Connection

I am WAY off schedule with this project.  I apologize.  I have no real excuse, except my lack of motivation. So I will just dive back in and go.

This week, I watched The French Connection.  Most people know this movie because of it's BAD ASS car chase scene (and I completely say that with capital letters).  But this is a well written police drama centering on partners "Popeye" Doyle and "Cloudy" Russo.  Popeye and Cloudy stumble onto a drug smuggling operation running between Marseilles, France and New York.  Most of the movie is their investigation of the principles of this scheme.  That being said, there are a TON of slow scenes of the partners following various characters through the streets of New York.  And one BAD ASS scene with Popeye chasing down a train by driving through the street below.  The movie ends with the big bust.

The movie was filmed and written to be as realistic as possible.  The characters are flawed.  Popeye and Cloudy are upset about the federal agents assigned to the investigation (due to a wire tap).  In fact, Popeye comes to blows with the agent.  In the final bust, a trigger happy Popeye shoots the agent, but appears unaffected by that.  The movie has very little scoring (that I noticed), using it sparingly when tension needs built up.  The film work is basic (aside from the chase scene).

Why is such a simple film on the Top 100?  I would venture a guess to say that it's BECAUSE it is so realistic.  The cast was brilliant (Gene Hackman won an Oscar for his performance as Popeye and Roy Scheider was nominated for his as Cloudy), the screen play was simple and direct (won the Oscar for best Screenplay Adaptation), and the director knew what was needed to bring it to life (Best Director Oscar to William Freidkin).  Over all, a really great film and the first of it's kind to achieve what it set out to do.

And Gene Hackman's hat is just amazing.

GGC

It was the worst of (movie) times... Alien from LA

1988.  The Soviet Union started its program of economic reform they called "perestroika," the Winter Olympics were held in Calgary, Alberta, Canada, Oliver North is charged with conspiracy to defraud, Nelson Mandella turns 70 (still imprisoned), George H.W. Bush is elected the 41st president of the United States.  But all this aside, 1988 brings us a theatrical treat.  An interpretation of Jules Verne's Journey to the Center of the Earth that is sure to endure in the hearts of millions forever... Ladies and Gentleman, Alien from LA.

This little movie stars a young Kathy Ireland.  Yes, Kathy Ireland.  Just a pretty face?  Or multitalented?  I mean, sure!  She LOOKS good, but can she ACT?  Well… Let’s dig in…

Wanda is a young woman from California.  She has just been dumped by her boyfriend because she isn’t daring enough.  And holy cow!  Her voice is squeaky and she wears thick glasses… SOOOOO unattractive.  How can anyone find her pretty?  After receiving word that her absentee father is dead, she travels to his most recent residence.  IN AFRICA.  Wanda goes through his papers and finds many references to Atlantis.  She explores his last archeological dig site and checks it out.  She falls down a (not so) bottomless pit and finds herself in a different world.  Atlantis, as it turns out is a crashed spaceship that sank below ground and the inhabitants formed a separate society there (and became Australian, apparently).  Wanda, now convinced that her father is alive and somewhere in Atlantis, sets off to find him with the help of Gus ( a miner, from “Down Under.”  GET IT????  It’s FUNNY!).  Soon her naivety lands her in the cross hairs of a low life informant who “sells” her to the highest bidder.  At first this is a criminal named Mambino, but soon General Pykov (a government agent) wins out.  She is captured, but with Gus’s help and a little assistance from a rogue named Charmin (every one of these characters commenting on her squeaky voice or her “big bones.”)  Despite the effort, she is imprisoned in “Government House.”  There, she finds her long lost dad and together, they try to escape.  Eventually, the leader of the Atlantian government just lets them go as long as they never reveal Atlantis’s existence to the surface world.

Wanda, having found her sense of adventure, has shed her glasses and struts along the beach in a bikini.  (But OMG!  IS that your REAL voice???)  Her ex-boyfriend sees her and tries to worm his way back into her life, but she is somehow able to resist his charms.  Especially when she sees Charmin riding up on a motorcycle.  Apparently the brief scene he shared with her was enough to follow her to the surface world.  They ride off into the sunset.  The end.

In all seriousness, although I really love the aesthetic they were going for (cyber punk), this movie is just awful.  Kathy Ireland cannot act.  Her voice is annoyingly squeeky and she whines her way through most of it.  Gus's accent is HORRIBLY inconsistent and the addition of Charmin is tacked on and makes very little sense to the flow of the screenplay.  Not to mention it follows that 80's formula of trying to make the audience believe that just because a beautiful girl wears glasses and a pony tail she is unattractive.  I am sorry!  But Kathy Ireland has "big bones"?  Seriously?  And the addition of the love interest so late in the movie seems like the screenwriters just plain forgot to add him in and quickly wrote it in after filming.  It was tacked on and just plain weird.  The best thing about this movie is that Mystery Science Theater did one of it's funniest episodes around it.

And that's just about all I CAN say about that!  *DULL SURPRISE*

GGC

It was the best of movie times.... Pulp Fiction

Pulp Fiction.  Be honest.  You have all seen it.  If not... WHY NOT???  Ok, ok.  So, I will summarize for those who haven't seen it, or who haven't seen it for a long time.  *deep breath and a good stiff drink*

Pulp Fiction is centered around three major plots.  And Tarantino is kind enough to use title cards for each one.  SO, I will be summarizing the movie based on these plots.  

The movie actually starts with a prologue.  A couple ("Honey Bunny" and "Pumpkin") hold up a dinner after discussing how holding up liquor stores is too risky.  After that fun intro, we meet Vincent Vega and Jules Winnfield.  As they are driving, Vincent discusses with Jules the quirks of Europe.  Jules and Vincent arrive at their destination, a hit for gangster boss Marsellus Wallace.  The establishing framework for Vincent and Jules as hit men being established, we have our first title card:

Vincent Vega and Marsellus Wallace's Wife

This story actually starts with Butch, a middle aged boxer, striking a deal with Marsellus Wallace to throw a fight.  Vincent and Jules walk in (wearing athletic shorts and t shirts)  and talk about Vincent taking Marsellus's wife out.  Vincent cleans up and visits his drug dealer and buys some heroin and shoots up before his "date."  Vincent and Mia (Mrs. Wallace) go to have dinner at Jack Rabbit Slim's, a 50's themed restaurant.  Over dinner, Mia talks about her acting job in a pilot for a doomed TV series, "Fox Force Five," and has a five dollar shake.  They participate in a twist contest and win the trophy.  Through the evening, Vincent finds that he really is very attracted to Mia.  While Vincent is talking himself down in the bathroom, Mia finds his stash in his coat pocket and snorts a long line of the heroin.  When Vincent finds her, she is in a comatose state from overdosing.  He rushes her over to his dealer's house to save her (you know, to avoid the questions at the hospital).  They save her by injecting her heart with adrenaline.  Vincent's "date" with Mia ends with them walking home together and awkwardly saying goodnight.

The next scene is a flash back to the late sixties/ early seventies.  Young Butch is watching cartoons when a POW from the same camp that Butch's father died in delivers a gold watch to young Butch.  Butch snaps out of this memory in a locker room before his boxing match.  He goes off to the fight.  This brings us to our second title card:

The Gold Watch

A radio announcer narrates that Butch killed his opponent and Butch runs from the scene.  Marsellus starts a huge manhunt for him.  Butch returns to his girlfriend and begins following his plan to leave town.  That is, until he discovers that his girlfriend has forgotten to pack his father's gold watch.  Butch decides to go back and get it.  He sneaks into his apartment, grabs his watch, but realizes that something is amiss.  He finds a large gun on the kitchen counter and hears the toilet flush.  He points the gun at the bathroom door, and comes face to face with Vincent.  Butch kills him and then heads back to the hotel.  On the trip back, he finds himself behind the wheel of a car and Marsellus Wallace in the crosswalk in front of him.  He runs him down.  Both of the men recover at about the same time and Marsellus chases Butch on foot into a pawn shop.  There they fight on the floor until the owner of the shop takes them captive at gun point.  What happens next is a tribute to Deliverance, I am sure.  The owner calls his buddy and the two of them take Marsellus into a locked room and leave Butch under the watchful eye of "the Gimp."  Butch manages to get himself loose and knocks out the Gimp and runs up the stairs to the pawn shop.  He begins to run, but changes his mind.  He finds himself a weapon and returns to save Marsellus.  After putting the hillbillies in a bad way, Marsellus tells Butch that he no longer has a grudge and Butch should leave town.  Butch does just that with quickness, taking Zed's motorcycle (I'm sorry, "chopper").

This leads us to our third and last title card:

The Bonnie Situation

We come back to the apartment from the beginning.  But, instead of the main action, we see another young man hiding in the bathroom holding a gun.  He is working his courage up to burst out and kill Vincent and Jules.  He hears Jules quoting the Bible and then shooting his friend.  He then jumps out and shoots at them, completely missing them.  Vincent and Jules shoot him dead and take Marvin (the only one left alive) and leave.  Jules is shaken up and calls it divine intervention.  In the car, Jules keeps discussing the idea that their being alive is a miracle.  Vincent turns around and asks Marvin what he thinks, and in a freak accident, shoots him in the face.  They get off the road and park the car in Jules's partner's garage.  Jimmy is freaked out by this because his wife comes home from work soon and he needs them gone.  Jules calls Marsellus for help and he sends them a clean up man named "the Wolf."  They get the car cleaned up and take it to a junk yard for disposal.  

Jules and Vincent stop and have breakfast at a small dinner, still discussing Jules's belief of divine intervention.  Vincent leaves the table, and (you guessed it) this is the diner from the beginning of the movie.  The hold up begins.  "Honey Bunny" and "Pumpkin"  walk around collecting everyone's wallets, including Jules.  On the rounds, the man ("Pumpkin" or "Ringo") wants to take Marsellus's case.  Jules tells him he can't give him the case because it doesn't belong to him.  He gives them all the money from his wallet and tells them that he's going to let them go.  But first he breaks down his Bible verse, struggling for what it all means.  He lets the couple go, and Vincent and Jules walk away. 

And that is the end of our movie.

Now I get to tell you my reaction.  I remember watching this in the movie theaters when it came out.  I was completely blown away.  The non-sequential storytelling and the dialogue of this movie are just out of this world.  I know that I linked a lot of scenes in the synopsis, but that was because I wanted to show just how unique the rhythm of the dialogue and the movement of the action really is.  Tarantino has his own unique style, you can pick one of his movies out just by listening to it.  It's sort of a quicker version of realistic dialogue.  And Pulp Fiction is Tarantino's grand masterpiece that really solidified this and delivered it to the public.

The other thing that really marks the style of a Tarantino movie is the soundtrack.  All the songs fit a certain theme (mostly).  Pulp Fiction's was stylistically surfer music.  Really laid back and fun.  And completely contrasting the action on the screen most of the time.  This adds to the unease that you feel while the really horrific violence happens.  The soundtrack to that should be more heavy, not lighthearted and silly.  But, in a weird way, the music really punctuates the key points.

I would also try to say something about the casting.  This cast is perfect.  I cannot see anyone else playing Jules, Vincent, Marsellus, Mia... Well... Any of them.  Right down to the minor parts.  This movie re-introduced us to John Travolta (for better or worse) and started the trend of Samuel L Jackson being in EVERYTHING.  Ving Rhames is just scary as Marsellus.  And I can just go on for days about all of this.  Everyone just OWNS the dialogue and brings these over the top characters to life in a way that is just iconic in and of itself.

My only real beef with this movie is Tarantino's coffee speech.  He seems really uneasy with one word in particular.  See if you can pick it out (go ahead, the link is in the synopsis).  Well, to be fair, I am uneasy with that same word.  And maybe that was the point.  It just sticks out to me because everything else is beautifully done.

In closing, I love this movie.  I have always loved this movie.  If you haven't seen it, I think it's time to do just that.  Tarantino is so influential now.  His style has been imitated throughout Hollywood and Pulp Fiction has everything that those other writers and directors want to capture.

Now... I think I will enjoy my Royal with Cheese and wash it down with a tasty beverage.

GGC

power outage

I apologize for the delay in entries.  I have been affected by the power outages across Fort Wayne.  I will just continue from where I left off when the juice comes back to the house.  So much for schedules... which i was behind on anyway.  Thank you for your patience!

GGC

It was the worst of (movie) times... Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000of

This one was genuinely hard.  Hard to watch, hard to figure out what to say.  SO, I'll just do it quick, like removing a Band-Aid.

BattleField Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000 (henceforth Battlefield Earth) is set one thousand years after an invasion from the planet Psychlo.  Humanity is thrust into a primitive state, fearing technology and the stories of the demons that rule the outside world.  One human, Jonnie, leaves his home in the Rockies to find food when he meets up with a few others and wonders into a city.  There, the group is taken captive by the Psychlos for enslavement.  Jonnie fights back, drawing the attention of the head of security, Terl.  Terl "teaches" Jonnie the language and knowledge of the Psychlos in order to use him to train a mining team of humans to mine a vein of gold near a deposit of uranium (the radiation from uranium is toxic to Psychlos).  Jonnie instead uses the knowledge to fight back and free humanity from the tyranny of the demons.

Sounds like a great idea, no?  I thought so.  And the first 20 minutes or so I was really confused about why this was such a despised movie.  It wasn't bad.  Jonnie was well developed already and his new pals were entertaining.  THEN the Psychlos showed up.  That is when this movie took a major turn.  The culture of Psycho is a corrupt corporate one and Terl is trying to get transferred off Earth, but due to missteps in the past (mainly sleeping with a senator's daughter) he is stationed on Earth for a lifetime.  His scheme to use humans to mine gold is a last ditch effort to get himself off planet.  All well and good... But most of the time I wonder HOW the Psychlos managed not only knock humanity back to the stone age, but HOLD the Earth when they overlook places like Fort Hood.  Yeah... Let's talk plot holes, people.

Plot hole #1:

If you graduated #1 in your class, how did you miss the concept of "knowledge is power"?  Terl teaches Jonnie, not just the language, but math and engineering, and how to pilot a Psychlo aircraft.  OF COURSE this gives Jonnie the tools he needs to lead a revolt against their captors.

Plot hole #2:

Gold is the most precious resource to the Psychlos.  And YET... In 1000 years they have not found Fort Knox and empty it.  This gives Jonnie the means to distract Terl until the revolt can be organized.  Jonnie goes to Fort Knox (in the aircraft that Terl left him) and takes enough gold to appease Terl  and make him think that they are accually working (and smelting the gold into bars...*sigh*) buying Jonnie the time needed to overthrow the Psychlos.

Plot hole #3:

Fort Hood.  Period.  Everything about this scene and everything that comes from it.  The Psychlos aren't just a corporate society, they are a warrior society.  WHY was Fort Hood left alone??  All the weapons are still there after 1000 years, in working order apparently.  Jonnie raids the stash there, his men learn to fly fighter planes (the fuel is still viable and the planes themselves aren't rusted out), and there is even a nuclear warhead there.  THIS is the dumbest thing ever for them, as a nuclear explosion reacts with the atmosphere the Psychlos need to breathe causing a chain reaction of a massive explosion.  (In plot hole #1 Jonnie learns this and uses it to defeat not just the Earth stationed Psychlos, but destroy the entire planet of Psychlo.)

Plot hole #4:

Terl allows Jonnie to have access to the Denver Library (Yes, evidently paper in books only looks slightly aged when they sit for 1000 years).  This ties into plot hole #1, but is slightly different.  It's here that Jonnie actually forms the concrete ideas he used to rebel.  We get to see him reading the Declaration of Independence, and looking at maps showing him where things are.

Plot hole #5

Terl leaves Jonnie and his men to mine UNSUPERVISED.  Yes, the uranium is toxic, but they show aircraft overhead and establish early on that they have great surveillance technology.  WHY did no one notice the aircraft was gone for over a week?  Really??

There are so many more... But I will be here all night if I talk about them all.  These are the holes that bug me the most.

The other thing that really bugs me is the acting from most of the Psychlos, especially John Travolta.  I love Travolta, most of the time.  But this role is WAY over the top.  He's not even close to seeming like a threat.  He just seems funny.  The leader on Earth is similarly comical.  Pretty much all of them aside from Ker, played by Forest Whitaker.  Poor guy.  He had a really crappy role.  But let me tell you, he acted the HELL out of it!

Also... I believe that someone knocked the camera loose on the tripod because EVERY SINGLE SCENE is tilted.  Why?  It looks cool.  That is the only reason I can come up with.  I wonder if humanity evolved to have one leg longer than the other... Hmmm....

I have more rants about this... But I will let Mike Nelson from Rifftrax take it from here... Take it away, Mike!  I recommend you don't watch this movie... But if you must, riff it the whole way through.  It's the only way to enjoy it!

GGC

It was the best of (movie)times... The Last Picture Show (pt 2)

The film is in black and white, lending to the feel of decay.  In black and white run down houses look even worse.  This town is dying, but not with a loud bang.  Heck, hardly with a whimper.  The town's bleakness and emptiness is present throughout the film in a sort of dusty oppression.  It's almost suffocating at times.  It's easy to see why Jacy toys with the boys in her life, she is simply bored and needing to entertain herself.  (Of course this doesn't make it right... It just explains it.)  This feeling builds until Duane and Sonny attend the last movie (Red River, by the way).  With the movie house closing, the town has lost it's cultural center thus it's last really bright spot.

What really makes this powerful is not only the town being front and center, but the characters.  Especially Sonny, Ruth, and Sam the Lion.  Sonny is an impressionable teen who is torn about what to do, but rarely stands up for himself.  He usually tries to do the right thing, but seems to fail more often than succeed.  He's just a kid and learning the ropes.  We've all been there... So he remains sympathetic despite his mistakes.

Ruth is a house wife, ignored by her husband.  Which makes it even more heartbreaking when Sonny does the same.  I am not condoning extramarital affairs, but Sonny not even explaining things to her is just plain wrong.  She has been dealing with abandonment from her husband for years, and now Sonny piles his on top.  So, when Sonny returns to her in the end and she starts throwing things, the audience completely understands.  We also understand when she comforts him afterward.

Sam the Lion is a force of nature.  He seems rough, but he's sentimental and human.  He genuinely cares for Billy and Sonny and does the best he can for them.  Sam is always giving Duane and Sonny a hard time about the sports teams that always seem to be loosing huge.  He gave Billy a job at the pool hall and watches out for him like his own son.  He seems to keep the businesses going just to make sure that his employees are taken care of.  He's the kind of character that really can bring a movie like this to life.

Basically, this movie is about people and real places.  It's about the passing of time.  It's about love and jealousy.  It's about growing up.  I really didn't know how to describe it, or how to express my feelings on it.  So, this is the best I could do....  I know that I am ignoring the metophores and symbolism.  I am not trying to be academic (well... at least not TOO academic), I am just trying to share my thoughts.

GGC

(Yeah... The Dude is in it!  And he looks like a baby.)